An Update

So I haven’t been doing too much that is productive, I admit. By productive, I mean work on the, “Alpha City” short movie I have been trying to make for a quite a while. Yes, I have a day job (one that consumes a lot of time away from what I try to do, granted), and relationships, but my brain doesn’t seem to count those things as achievements in their own right (though it should). When I talk about productivity, I am talking solely about the things I aspire to finish. Things like making a movie, writing a screenplay, experimenting with music or…? That’s a big problem for me. I place things out of reach so that I can reach for them perpetually. I procrastinate, I make small bouts of effort, then procrastinate again. I’m afraid. I haven’t done any kind of real life drawing in years, instead making small sketches based on ideas of anatomy. Yes, I have a full time job, and I’m not rich enough to be comfortable but is that an excuse? Certainly if I was meant to be a great artist I would be one already…right?

So, I am trying to get the courage again. I’ve tried to function as my own battery, tried to pull myself up by my bootstraps. But like last time, I find that it is other people who can lead me to better places. In some positive news, I am beginning to get some support. A person recently contributed to my Patreon page, and I thanked them on my Twitter account (both of those sites will probably be dead a few years from now by the time people get around to reading this, but hey). Now I have some support, and some gentle pressure.

On another note, I also want to thank people for the support I have received since I have come out as trans, though I don’t want to use it as a crutch. Part of my mind wants to earn the right to be who I am, which is why it’s a relief that I stumbled upon a book that tells the reader, “Your story is yours alone” when it comes to their gender identity, while also stressing that it is just one part of who one is as a person. To be perfectly honest, I have a feeling that I am trans because something is expected of me. Rightfully so in this case, since I am asking people for money for a bunch of varied artistic products and stuff. So…for the people donating to support my work, I thank you. As for everyone else…thank you as well. Thank you for being my audience, and I hope that you like my work. If not, feel free to let me know, because comments are open on this post. Is there something I should talk about, something I should show more of? Just let me know and I will get around to it, I promise.

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